CINCINNATUS
Along with George Washington, one of two highly successful military commanders to establish or save a country who never fell victim to “fame and fortune and power,” according to Dean Lombardi. Opened a stirring six-minute opening statement in which he soliloquized his vision as the general manager of the United States World Cup team.
CORNFIELD, THE
A time out. The place you’re sent when you get Internet Angry. Created by LAKI denizens.
COULOMBS
Also introduced to us by Dean when explaining that there was laughably nothing to the story that the Staples Center clock may have inappropriately paused with 1.8 seconds remaining in regulation before Drew Doughty scored a regulation game-winner with 0.4 seconds remaining. “Those clocks are sophisticated instruments that calculate time by measuring electrical charges called coulombs,” he explained, and, duhh, the clock’s stutter was easily explained by the automatic recalibration after an imbalance of electrons moved through an instrument designed to measure precisely 20 minutes. “That is not an opinion — that is science — amazing devise quite frankly,” he wrote to Pierre LeBrun.
HOCKEY TRUTH SERUM
An injection that makes executive figures offer earnest, revealing, non-evasive answers to difficult questions.
[HOWLING]
The coyotes in my neighborhood yelp and yip, but in Arizona, they howl. We commemorate these evolved and super-intelligent beings, and Kings-Coyotes games, with arbitrary [howling].
MUNTERS
Homage to the rooftop air conditioning systems occasionally visible from rooms non-hockey staff might stay at IN THE EXTREMELY NICE HOTELS WE PAID NOTHING FOR. Originated from Rich Hammond’s photos from his hotel room, and given life by the denizens of LA Kings Insider. The best Munter’s views are (were) in Glendale, Arizona and Dallas, and this year I’m looking forward to bringing you a whole new array of updated models – like the new Integrated Custom Air Handler (ICA) with RightDry™.
MYSTERY VALLEY
Darryl: “Matt Greene’s banged up. It’s like Mystery Valley for me. It goes from legs to limbs to head. I don’t know what you’d call it, if it’s maintenance. It’s like Mystery Valley for me.” Countered by Hockey Truth Serum.
NEUTRINOS
One day before Darryl Sutter was barricaded from the team dressing room following a win at Tampa Bay in 2015, Dean spoke with Lisa Dillman and me about the growing disconcert we could all feel around the team. “You don’t even have to be the general manager or coach to get a feel for a room, right? And you guys have been around long enough, and you can sense it. It’s weird. But you know what? It’s not weird, because 50 years from now with these brain scans and understanding of neutrinos, we’re going to find out that there is a scientific basis for that innate feeling we get that we can’t explain.”
ROAD APPLES
“Horse shit.” Originally used by Darryl Sutter on Valentine’s Day, 2013, when asked about a recent Jake Muzzin performance. “We’ll put Muzzin in, for sure. We took Muzzin out, because he was horse. . . – road apples – in Anaheim. I talked to him about it yesterday. Most guys play like that one NHL game, they’re doin’ time again.” Was then used in brackets in lieu of “horse shit” to keep Sutter transcripts PG-13, which occurred with relative frequency. Like when he expressed frustration that the team played poorly after three days off; or by responding colorfully to Mike Gillis’ assertion on Vancouver radio that Dustin Brown ran Roberto Luongo; or during the longest winning streak in franchise history.
SCHEDULOR
The God of NHL scheduling. Schedulor is an angry God whom you must appease, lest you endure an extra night in St. Louis rather than Nashville. It declares its intent for the coming year the third week of June. All hail Schedulor.
SUTTER’S LAW
The simple formula to go deep in the playoffs. 1. Goaltenders. 2. Special teams. 3. Top players. 4. Unsung heroes. 5. Discipline. “Write it down and don’t forget it,” Darryl shared early in the 2012 Stanley Cup run.
You must be logged in to post a comment.